I've always hated hypocrisy above all things. As far back as I can remember, I could stomach nearly anything, but hypocrisy was always the one thing I refused to excuse. Over the years, I've come to realize that, as distasteful as it may be, the truth is that hypocrisy can be found nearly anywhere and at almost any time. We're all hypocrites to some extent, and I know that I'm no exception. That fact hit me again today.
You see, I've been really into baseball this summer. I bought a neat little package from the MLB before the season that allows me to watch almost every game my favorite team plays. And while I've thoroughly enjoyed the deluge of baseball that has resulted, it's an unfortunate fact of life that my favorite team just so happens to be the St. Louis Cardinals.
Now, normally this would be, and has been, a great thing. I don't hide the fact that I'm largely a Cardinals fan thanks to the superb success the team has had over the past twenty years. Sure, it's also a lineage thing. Both my dad and my grandpa are Cardinals fans (when my grandpa was a kid, St. Louis was as far south as the MLB had gone). But the winning hasn't hurt. Sadly, it also hasn't continued to this season.
This is where my hypocrisy comes into play. For much of this year (and last year if I'm being honest), I've been in agreement with the portion of the fan base that doesn't think this Cardinals team is good enough. There's a certain curse in basketball describable as being caught in a holding pattern. In the NBA, all is dependent on stars, and stars are almost always found at the top of the draft. The teams who pick at the top of the draft are usually terrible. The teams who pick at the end are usually in the playoffs and winning series there. But the teams in the middle are just... meh. They don't win enough to feel good about their seasons, and they don't lose enough to draft a star who can lead them to championship contention.
That's kind of where the Cardinals have been for a while. The problem isn't as severe in baseball, and it's far easier to field a very good team without picking at the top of the draft (because the MLB draft is more of a crap shoot and because it takes more than one or two stars to make a good baseball team). But still, that's how the Cardinals have felt for a while, and I've been among those fans wanting to see the front office do something, anything, to change course. What was planned did not come to fruition, and it's time for a change.
So, what does this have to do with me, my writing, and my hypocrisy? Well, I realized recently that I've been like the Cardinals front office. I've been holding on to a dream despite all evidence in front of me. I've behaved like sheer will can be enough to make things turn away from their obvious course. But that's not the world we live in. I'm willing to accept that in areas beyond my control (such as with the Cardinals), and it's time I did so with those at least somewhat in my control.
In particular, it's time I admit that full-time writing isn't going to happen right now. It may happen at some point in the future, and I hope it does. That's the dream. But the world goes on despite our best wishes. It's not a tragedy that it does so. I write of gray worlds and the beauty they hold. I write of the inevitable evil that comes with freedom. I write of the need for bad to appreciate the good. And I do so because that's the world I see around me.
Full-time writing isn't happening right now, but I still get to write. I still live in an era in which I can upload a document and have it almost immediately available to billions of people. I still can follow my dream. I just have to do other things too. So, I'm going to do them. Over the weekend, I uploaded the final book in The Story of Bookland. That's two completed series now. I'm so glad that I wrote them both and that I took the time to write them this quickly, but I expect things to slow down now.
I don't know when my next book will be out. I still hope to have it done this year, but we'll see. I have other things I have to do now. I've chased this dream on a full-time basis. Now, I'm going to do so in conjunction with what I hope is soon to be full-time work of another sort. I cannot thank you all enough for reading this far, and I hope you'll stick with me a bit further. I think I've always been upfront with you about my main story, The Song of Creation, taking years to complete, and I'll reiterate that now. The Kinmark Saga was but the first step. This story is as big as I can imagine, and I hope you're still interested in following along with it as it slowly unfolds in its many parts. If not, just wait for the inevitable movies to come. I'm sure they'll be awesome. I can't wait to see who they cast as Vina.
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